Ash Wednesday I boarded a plane for Mexico. I had been looking forward to this vacation for months. I was tired, and not because I had to be at the airport for 4:00 a.m. I had been tired since November. The doubt and uncertainty that had been working away at me the past few months had worn me down. A big part of the sermon series on spiritual disciplines that I just finished preaching focussed on silence, solitude, and Sabbath; but I had failed to practice what I preach (as is often the case – I’m pretty open about that struggle). So the first day of Lent I boarded a plane in desperate search for some rest, but even more so I was in search of more direction from God. [Read more…]
I was never supposed to see tomorrow. I knew it long ago. Since I was about 23, actually. It was like I had been given a prophecy. I would die when I turned 32. Tomorrow is my 33rd birthday.
For a long time, though, I had this nagging feeling that I would die when I was 32. This voice that told me that I wouldn’t make it past that age was reassuring in some ways. I had no desire to live – and, some would argue, that what I was experiencing at the time certainly wasn’t considered living – so in a lot of ways it was a goal that I worked towards. [Read more…]